Please let me give you one piece of advice that will not let you get bogged down in wedding etiquette. Remember if you are planning your own wedding, you are entitled to bend the rules or even throw away the rule book and write your own rules!
There is a huge amount written about wedding etiquette however I believe that most of it can cause more bad feelings that good! If I had my way I would banish all the wedding etiquette sections in magazines and replace them with a wedding communication sections because to have a fantastic wedding communication is vital!!
Many people ask their friends or family to take on the role of bridesmaids or Best Man and then they read conflicting accounts from various websites and magazines about what is expected from these people in the wedding party. Of course the bridesmaid is not a mind reader and when she doesn’t know what the bride thinks she should be doing – she doesn’t deliver – at least not in the bride’s eyes.
The Couple can then end up very upset with their friends when they don’t seem to be keeping up with what is expected of them and sadly what should be a very happy occasion starts to turn very sour! “This is why I don’t agree with some wedding etiquette” franc. The only way not to have misunderstandings is to ask people to do specific tasks, tell them what you require of them and explain clearly what you would like them to do. COMMUNICATE!
Note for couples: if your parents are paying for the wedding they may feel they are entitled to do things a certain way. You may not get everything you want your way and may need to compromise as they are paying the bill. In my experience the only way to get 100 percent the wedding that you want is to communicate your feelings well in advance or pay for everything yourselves.
Note to Parents: Please remember if someone in your family is getting married, particularly your daughter or son, you should always appreciate that this big day belongs to the bride and groom and not you! Their wishes must be paramount; however some people believe they are entitled to get involved or they believe they are have certain rights just because they have read wedding etiquette books from cover to cover. This is where for many families things go wrong.
I am often called the wedding psychologist. We all have dreams, fears, aspirations and expectations. The trick is managing them by being honest with ourselves family and friends through communication.
All my love, Franc xxx
Fermoy, Co. Cork,
Ireland. P61 V028
Cork: 353 (0)25 32005